31st December
Unlike any year-end before, this one feels… sad.
In previous years, I would close the year on a happy note. I’d recap everything — the destinations I visited, the moments I cherished, and all the highlights. I celebrated the journey and everything I had been through.
But this year? This year, I don’t want any of it. Sitting in silence and disappearing feels like the only thing I want.
Recalling what went well this year is difficult. It’s not something that comes to mind easily. I have to scroll through my phone’s gallery to remember, “Oh, that was actually nice.” Even recognizing the good moments now feels like it takes immense effort.
Some chemical in my brain has changed — that’s what the experts say. If there’s one thing I need to learn in 2025, it’s the ability to change the narrative.
Looking back at the last three years, I realize there were so many things I could have done better. I always say something like that. And while it might be true, it doesn’t diminish the effort that worked. It was always my best effort.
I remember asking one of the doctors a question:
“When I’m in a low mood, should I follow my body or fight against it? You know, because I can’t seem to function either way.”
He said, “You’ll do both, but change your intention. Do it because you’re taking care of yourself.”
Taking care of myself — that might be my intention for 2025. Sometimes, taking care means pushing toward a goal. Other times, it means allowing myself to slow down.
I will do both, because I am taking care of myself.
